I would admit that I am no Martha Steward, but I have come to the realization that for essential gay functioning there are a few things that just HAVE to be done.
One of these fine things my fairy friends, is the need to trim the hedge, you know, between you and the pot of gold? Since I could remember body hair has been something I have not been very fond of on myself. While I find it attractive on certain types of men, I have always been a serial groomer.
Our lovely little furry friends in nature (No, not straight men)spend many hours of their daily routine grooming and cleaning the fur they have been so lovingly given to keep warm (thank goodness we have labels), so it would only make sense that we do the same. Sure, you wash, condition and use the odd moisturizing mask, but I am talking about the hair that grows in places where one needs to look good at all times, in case of an emergency of course! My grandmother used to always say that she will never wear knickers with holes in them as you never know who would be undressing you should you need to be rushed to hospital, and now, I live by the same mantra, because there may just be a male nurse involved.
Now before I go off on a tangent of tequila induced waxing incidents and accidental near castration, I must implore you to always make sure that your bush is well kept! Too many times have I come up from a vigorous blowjob session with more hair in my teeth than a vegan, mountain worshipping lesbian without the need to smile at the recipient. I am not asking you to shave it all off, but for goodness sake man, don’t leave it to the point where heavy machinery needs to be involved in finding your pecker. It is the deciding factor on turning any steamy date from fabulous to flaccid. Over time it has become more acceptable for straight men to groom their faces so surely we should be one step ahead!?
There are also now many looks one could go for, and believe me, all of these say a tremendous amount about your personality.
1. The Slightly Mowed look – This is the quick, earth child alternative to hardcore grooming. You have a pair of electric clippers, right?! The allover, slightly shorter than nose tickling trim, that neatens things up without there being much evidence of tampering with Mother Nature. Balls are left the way they are of course.
2. The Golf Lawn – This is like the Slightly Mowed, but with a touch of artistic talent. With the same pair of clippers hair is cropped to a length that causes it to lie flush with the skin, while testicles are dry shaved with a razor and thighs and buttocks are slightly neatened up.
3. The Landing Strip – Now without the need to start singing “Brazil” at a World Cup Soccer match (yet remaining patriotic to those gorgeous specimens), one shaves the inner thighs, testicles and bum region only leaving a acceptable patch of hair above the penis. This look is famous with porstars the world over. One must naturally be careful with a razor and use hair removal cream rather in more “hard to reach” area’s.
4. The Hatchling – With obvious references to the name you can imagine that this requires total removal of all hair. I would like to advise that this should only be attempted by seasoned professionals as knicks, rashes and burns are almost always imminent with first timers and I bet you two virgins and a Jonas Brother that the regrowth, unless maintained impeccably, will be absolute torture!
Now after all of that, I am sure there are still questions like, but what about the chest? The legs? The arms? The stomach? The answer: One should always match! What gets done upstairs, should generally be carried through downstairs and same the other way around. Continuity is aesthetically pleasing after all!
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